Complicated...Much?.

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Bonjour, Sweetcakes.

... My deepest thoughts to U...

Hellooo =)... Thanks for viewing me profile
Really appreciate it! =D
Hope you have a fun/lovely time reading my BloGGgg**
And doing wadever i've got on here...Thnx agn =)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

'04-06-11'

Saturday, 4 June 2011

04:12

Long time haven't blogged already.
But even so,no one really sees it.. Cos i write STUPID things on here
just to express my emotions and feelings sometimes. Sad or happy.
It's stressful sometimes just seeing someone you like/love so far away from you
We're basically like strangers, never met and never will.
He's in form 5 now, so he's gunna go off to college next year, and seeing as this was the
last year i could actually introduce myself, i never did.
I REGRET it i really do! =(
But it's hard to introduce yourself when you don't know their friends, cos that would
be quite weird and AWKWARD!
But heyho! Life goes on, just try to forget him yeah?
Haih... Maybe someday, hopefully fate and destiny will bring us together.
Anyways this loved one is gone, and i will try to forget him so i am not i pain.
But, i'm sure that one day......
My prince charming will be found.

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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'23-08-10'

Monday, 23 August 2010

03:20

*想要放放不掉泪在飘*
...My chance is lost~ Waited for over half a year just to see you again and to meet and introduce myself to you. But that never happened because of FATE! This is what FATE and DESTINY has lead us to. I just think why? what i want to happen, why does it always never happen?
But at least i saw just a glance of him on Friday as i walked out the school gates. But what i really wanted was to be introduced to him, so at least we knew each other and could talk as friends not unknown internet people!
Today 4:30 or so... the tears just fell down my face by just listening to some music on my cousin laptop. i held them in until the room was free, the tears fell down continuously just thinking of the unluckiness in not being able to meet him but to only silently loving him without him knowing! This was the first time i have cried so heavily for someone i love silently when he doesn't know me. As someone quoted knowing someone takes 1 minute, liking someone takes 10 minutes, falling in love with someone takes 1 hour, but to forget someone takes a life time. I totally agree. I saw him around 7 months ago at CNY in poi lam school seeing him from a distance for those few hours really fulfilled my heart with happiness which i have never felt. Truthfully to say i really do not know why i love him. Is it because of his looks but i think not because his friends are also that good looking. They say he is fa sum but even if he is i still love him, even for 1 more second or minute i truly and deeply want to know him or just to see him clearly from a distance. But fate for him and me to be together has not been fulfilled so maybe its just ming zhong zhu ding we cannot be together. As people say yu guo yau yuun then yut ding wui jong fan geh! So even though ngor mm seh duk yi gor mo mo love i will try to fong dei, so maybe fate can hopefully bring us back together!
Hoping my wishes will be fulfilled for my love/dear...
May fate bring us together one day. [hoping]
Loving you always Maxboy <3

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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'01-08-2010'

Saturday, 31 July 2010

23:34

1st day of the month =)
Only 19 days left until my birthday!
What i hoped (to meet max***) will never happen, i don't think it will
I've only got 3 weeks left! I've been to their school for 3 weeks now and still no response NOTHING!
T.T Wanting my cousin bf to introduce me to him but never getting the chance to !!
Maybe it's just FATE? We just don't have fate together. Also he got beat up by someone! When i heard, I didn't give the biggest reaction unlike Stella (who is cute,white,pretty; as max*** says he likes), i was just like oh my what happened and why? But really inside my heart just fell to the ground and broke! But when i saw Stella's reaction...i was like she really likes him and she has a 99% more chance of me knowing him and getting to be his gf or just a friend!
It makes me sad sometimes just thinking of not getting the things that you want when other people have to chance and a lot high chance of getting it!
I sometimes think, why aren't i born in malaysia? But then thinking of being born in malaysia and studying and money wise its not better than England. I just wish Malaysia could be like England with the studying and earning money!
But if i was a Malaysian citizen from the start then my ideas and opinions of this would probably change greatly!
So my final decision is just to love him silently when i go back to England in 3 weeks, in our two separate worlds of British and Asian culture! I will get back to my studying of A levels and start studying harder so i can get good grades (which i do doubt, but i shouldn't) and he can carry on being his hua hua gong zi and find his princess! I will go back to the ordinary me who never thought of love in a way which is so unexplainable!
Loving you (silently) Max***

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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'23-05-10'

Sunday, 23 May 2010

01:23

Yaaaaaahoooooo!!!!
He finally reply to my comment orh ~~~
HAO KAI XIN ORH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeahhh, i put on his photo comment 'Lei dim gai gum Q ga??'
then after about a month he finally put a reply saying 'LOL whr got?' Haha
then i reply 'got laa' ...... at first i thought he was replying to that other girls comment but when i went onto his photo it was my comment then his HAHA. then it was the other girls!!! Haha
I am actually lost for words, all i can say is yaaaahoooo and Hahahaa and just SMILE SMILE SMILE =)
I LOVE YOU!! AI NI ~♥!

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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'06-05-10'

Thursday, 6 May 2010

13:32

HEART ..... BROKEN
TEARS......
ALONE..
.................................................................
THAT WAS BEFORE until today i realised that i haven't thought about
him that much for the last couple of days.
Tears just fell down my face crying again and just thinking
why did i choose him... he's going after another girl its fine....
as they say there are still many fish in the sea for you to choose from so don't get upset
but just more tears came rushing down...
i have no idea why but after the river of tears i calmed down and just thought why did i let my tears fall for a boy.... its just a boy!
THOUGHTS!

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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'01-05-10'

Saturday, 1 May 2010

01:58

Haih~~.... I feel so heartbroken... You know what, well i logged onto facebook trying to ignore going to his profile but the first thing i see if him with his changed relationship status from single to in a relationship. ='( i saw it an my heart just broken into millions of pieces. This is really stupid to be honest, a guy i don't even know quite well and feeling heartbroken. I don't even know if he is just changing it for the sake of it or because he acutally has a girlfriend; probably much better than me, if he has. I'm just so confused about what he's thinking ... if he doesn't want to be friends then why did he accept the invitation of adding me on facebook? WHY? he could have ignored me and basically i would have go the message to not bother him and just shi xing. It took so much courage to add him. i found him on facebook went on his profile for a couple of days but i just couldn't click the add as a friend button because i was too scared that he would reject me. But no he didn't reject me, i was thrilled and so happy and basically i just couldn't describe the feeling of happiness at that time. So then i kinda quickly commented and said oh thanks for the adds as ppl normally say and saying nice to meet you but no reply. Just blank pages for the next few months. It takes to much courage for me just to add him and then he lets me down, not even wanting to be my friend. Agn why did he accept me in the first place? i comment on his statuses sometimes and on his pictures but all of them just no reply. he replies to other people who comment on the same status as where i commented but just not my questions. DUMB! I AM DUMB AND STUPID! thats all i can say. I've been trying to forget about him and i thought i was doing pretty well until i saw the status change on facebook in the top news section and i paused to look again to see if i was actually seeing it clearly but yes it was true. So what can i do? NOTHING. i just have to carry on with my life like nothings happened!

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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'28-04-10'

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

09:50

ARRGHHH..... things are acutally kicking in and making feel worse...like my life... my french speaking is next week and i hardly know what i'm suppose to be saying!! Good start right??.... i commented on his picture saying 'lei dim gai gum Q gah?'... but no reply... WTF man.... i just maybe wanted a short reply like a simily face or something but NO.... i'm so bloody confused....@.@ ..... Haih.... this quote i made says it all "为什么你要的东西就找不到呢? 为什么我忘记不到?...我越想忘记就不可能..." leaving me with no reply probably means..i don't know u so im not gunna reply.... but i wanna be friends with u so even if u don't know me then start knowing me then!!! I don't understand boys...why when he says "i want to PAKTUO" and "I wan a gf who is CUTE,PRETTY and WHITE" but i don't think i meet any of his requirements. Its just so frustrating to know that when i go back he still won't know me... I just want things to be right for ONCE! JUST ONCE! Everytime i write on this blog about him...its just makes me cry because i try to talk to him etc etc but no replies every time or that im just too scared to talk to him when he's online on fb (plus he probs will ignore me cos he doesn't know me) The least i want is just to be internet friends..we don't even have to go out when i go back, just internet friends is good enough! But if we could be more then Yeah!! i would go for it! But i dont think i should have such high expectations because it will just be an epic fail and then i would be distraught and probably cry about it. I'm just thinking, why did i like him in the first place, his malay and moral exam pictures show he's not a very good student but i dunno why... thats maybe the feeling of like/love which cannot be expressed and described. As i said before in my other posts that i want to let go but its just nt happening i think of him undescribeably (own word). i think to myself if i don't think and worry about him then maybe the tides will change sometime and it might go my way. So i try to into the liking of other boys which i talk to but it just doesn't work...i just don't have a feeling which i do when i think of maxboy.... its stupid to think that he doesn't know me and that i like him cos thats just STUPID right? But if u believe in love at first sight then you would propbably know the feeling. Maybe your thinking oh look at your love life its not as complicated as mine or maybe aww... but i don't want sympathy and im not trying to say that my love life is one of the best but this is the only place in which i can express it. I've asked my cousin bf to introduce me to him... but that just kinda failed.. he either forgot or maxboy wasn't at school which kinda shows that we don't have fate. So i probably should give up which i am trying ever so hard but just kinda failing at the moment but im sure after another couple of months i should be over him... hoping when i go back i don't bump into him! so its fine know just kinda knowing that he doesn't know me so doesn't wanna to friends so yeah im giving up totally... hoping the very best for me not only in my love life, but life in general, health and my upcoming exams!! x

Signed,
Sincerely me.
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